Home
by Gallagher Girl
Summary: "So Aslan was just going to leave her with this aching hole in her heart, was He? No matter. She would fill it herself. She didn't need Him."


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Chronicles of Narnia or any of the characters within this story.**

_Home_

She was sitting in a cute little café on a Paris street. It was a sunny August day, and she was surrounded by her closest friends; she should have been happy. She should have been ecstatic, really. Paris was everything she'd imagined it would be all of her life. But something was missing, and although she'd never admit it, she knew exactly what it was. Every place she went had the same problem- it wasn't home. Even in England she had no peace.

She missed it all terribly; the trees, the sea, the people. But what she missed most, what she couldn't live without, was seeing Him again.

The first night after she and Peter left Narnia for the last time, she didn't cry. She wasn't sad, she was numb. She sat awake all night with her arms around her chest, wondering how she would ever survive the emptiness in her heart. Never again would she smell the Narnian pines in the winter, dance with the fauns in the moonlight, or stroke Aslan's golden mane.

Sometime around midnight, when it was the darkest part of the night, she started to feel betrayed. So Aslan was just going to leave her with this aching hole in her heart, was He? No matter. She would fill it herself. She didn't need Him.

It rained the next day, doing nothing to improve the dreadful mood that she had settled herself into. Her siblings tried to talk to her, tried to help her, but her jealousy of Lucy and Edmund, who would be allowed to return, prevented her from being able to stand in the same room as either of them for very long. They'd had the most time in Narnia already, and now they were to get more time? How was that fair?

Peter tried to talk to her as well. They were usually so close, he pleaded with her. Why would she not confide in him now?

But she knew he would not—could not—understand. He would defend Aslan, just as he had always defended Narnia. He would not agree that even Aslan could be wrong at times. So she remained silent.

She tried to fill the void with everything she possibly could. She started putting on makeup and flirting with boys, made friends with the popular crowd at school and went to parties every weekend. And so, using the excuses of self-preservation and anger, she convinced herself that Narnia and Aslan didn't exist.

When Peter wrote her that Lucy and Edmund had been back to Narnia (she had remained at odds with both) and that Aslan had told them that they would never return as well, she became considerably warmer to her younger siblings, and they were simply relieved to have their sister back.

The first time she saw Eustace after his adventures in Narnia, he excitedly asked about her part in the fantastic tale. She froze for a moment, before laughing in such a manner that she hoped was believable. "Peter, Edmund, Lucy, did you put him up to this?" She shook her head, wearing a smile on her face rather similar to one who was indulging a small child. "What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children!"(1) And she left the room to their dropped jaws and wide eyes.

One short year later, as she watched nine caskets being lowered into the ground, she realized that she would never look into those eyes again.

She wept that night. Wept for her family, for Narnia, and for Aslan. She ran out of the empty house that was now hers and into the torrential downpour. Unheeding of the rain, she screamed up at the heavens, "Let me go home! I just want to come home!"

A well-wishing friend found her the next day with pneumonia and muttering in her restless sleep, "I want to come home. I want to come home."

After a week or so of touch-and-go, Susan was starting on the road to recovery. And after a few months she was back at home, still feeling rather lost, but accepting that feeling at long last. She finally knew what she needed to do, but where to start?

Of course. She should start with Lucy.

Upon entering her little sister's room, Susan was struck by how much of Narnia Lucy had brought with her. Hanging on her walls were sketches of Lucy's Narnian memories. There was Mr. Tumnus and the lamp post, the four thrones at Cair Paravel, a large ship with a dragon's head for the prow that Susan had never seen before, and…

She gasped. The largest and most beautiful of all the pictures was that of a familiar tawny lion. Lucy's delicate hand had captured almost perfectly the love that shone through His eyes; the look struck such a chord in Susan's heart that tears once again began to glide down her cheeks. She allowed herself a few moments to simply remember Aslan's beauty before continuing to look around her sister's room.

On Lucy's desk sat a large stack of paper, the top piece of paper bore the words, "To my dear sister, Susan". Shakily lifting the first page, she found that the stack was, in fact, letters to Susan that Lucy had finally stopped trying to send.

Susan sat for a long time reading these letters. They began with Lucy pleading her sister to write her back and continued to Lucy forgiving her sister and continuing to write everyday occurrences. Eventually, she fell asleep with them in her arms.

_"Dear Susan,_

_ Today, Ed and I returned from Narnia for the last time. We were aboard the Dawn Treader, an amazing ship in Caspian's fleet, and we were sailing for Aslan's Country in the Far East…."_

_ "Dear Susan, _

_ Peter, Edmund, Eustace, Jill and I have been searching everywhere for Aslan's new name. We have not had much luck, and I'm beginning to fear that we may never find Him in this world…"_

_ "Dear Susan, _

_We've found Him! And He's just as wonderful as He was in Narnia! I really wish I share this happy news with you in person…."_

"_Dear Susan…Dear Susan…Dear Susan…"_

The last letter slipped from Susan's hand as she slept and drifted to the floor.

_ "Dear Susan, _

_ Today Eustace, Jill, the Professor, Aunt Polly, and I are going to meet Ed and Pete in London to retrieve the Magic Rings from them. I don't know why, but something feels different about this trip. I don't know what it is, but there are butterflies in my stomach. But I must trust that Aslan will protect us no matter what happens. I must go now, as they are all waiting for me. _

_ I love you, Susan dear,_

_ Lucy."_

She dreamt of a sandy beach and a clear blue sky. She turned to her right and saw Peter, Edmund, and Lucy racing toward her, looking older but younger than she remembered. And then they were hugging and laughing and suddenly Aslan was there, even more glorious than Lucy's drawing. She bowed low, her cheeks flushing from shame and guilt. He placed a paw on her shoulder and nudged her face up with His nose so their eyes would meet. She stared long into His eyes, rather afraid of what He might do, until the beautiful eyes started smiling. As she threw her arms around Him and kissed His mane, she heard Him rumble a chuckle and say softly into her ear, "Welcome home, Dear One."

~The Beginning~

**AN: So, I know it wasn't fantastic, but I haven't written anything in a few years, so I'm really rusty. But I do like the idea of this story and I thought that I'd see what people thought. So. If you would, I believe there is a review box below. Even one word is accepted, and flames are welcome. :o)**


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